My first year of motherhood

The smell of books, the classical music in the background and… my daughter in a stroller. This round in our local specialized bookstore is one of the small ways for me to feed my creativity. As this first year of motherhood leaves me with little time for myself in that way. Motherhood in my opinion is a beautiful, deep, blissful and also very intense ride. While the scent of books surrounds me, my eyes fall on a book title that from Dutch translated into English is something like ‘Cherish every moment’. This sticks with me the whole day. It’s such a simple truth. Can we fully, but truly, cherish every moment; the happy moment, but also the difficult one. As motherhood brings on a whole new dimension for me -of vulnerability, of emotions, of love, of insecurities and securities, of searching and of struggle at moments- this truth rings deep within my soul.

Accept and surrender

While I enter our house, the space that breaths so much creativity and vibrancy, I carry my now 12 months old daughter Rosi up the stairs. I ponder on this still. Can I deeply trust the hardships in my life up until now to be the moments that have made me stronger, again and again. And equipped me sufficiently to experience a deeper sense of happiness. A deeper sense of joy. Cause to live the art of life, I believe, is to be an alchemist and transform the led into gold. All has lead me up to this point in my life. And for this I feel grateful. It brought me to this year of slowing down in the fast-paced world that is the development of a newborn into a one year old. A year in which I could do nothing more than really take it slow, to accept that my free-bird world is small for now. As, in this first year, our little family functioned best when we kept it small and moved with Rosi’s natural rhythm.

Tiny moments of creativity

It’s the year of my dedication to this amazing little human. To guide her, in a connected way, into the start of her life here on earth. As I sip my coffee, listening to the chatters in the lively street below, I start to shift perspective. In the beginning I felt a little lost in this dedication, as if I lost parts of myself that before where there; more freedom, more creativity, more social life… At the other side I gained and found parts that are priceless, like new layers of blissful love and connection I never knew existed. Of course nothing of me is truly lost, although my life will be different from now on. Sure, there is not enough space nor time at the moment to feed and nourish all parts of myself. And that’s all right, I take the little moments and cherish those deeply. Sitting at the cosy cafe in my neighbourhood, our second home, where we always find friends and neighbours. Taking fifteen minutes to illustrate in the evening. A daily inspirational round through the local bookstore.  

All at our own pace

Sitting on my soft grey couch, I take a deep breath and realize what a metamorphosis and transformation motherhood to me really is. It brought me into new layers of myself and grounded me like never before. But it also asks me to contain enormous contrasts; the intensity that being a mom brings and at the same time the deep joy and overflowing love in my heart. I sigh as the little girl wakes from her nap. Although I do work a lot in the evenings, I feel so grateful that I chose to have a lot of dedicated time, out of any rat-race, with this tiny human. At that important start of her life-journey. Time to do it our own way at our own pace.